Game of Catch 22

There is some severe rambling below about an issue most of us encounter at some career point. I hope you can follow, but I know you will relate.

I am at a “confidence” crossroads in my marathon training. Of course, that is no surprise for me, who has had a history of sports confidence issues. I was in a similar spot many years ago, deciding whether to play another year of professional baseball. Decision time is approaching again. I must figure out if it’s best to move forward or not move forward with my yearly 26.2-mile quest.

History Lesson

In my final year of baseball, my early play was average at best. I made my mind up by mid-season that “It was time” to move on from playing. Of course, sports' unpredictable nature threw a wrench in that decision because I figured things out late in the season. I knew I would smoke the ball whenever I walked to home plate. As implied, playing with confidence was a rare occurrence. Even more astounding, my bat helped our underwhelming team win the Pacific League championship.

I was on top of the world and my game, even if it was not at the sport's top level. “Now, what do I do?” I could continue with my retirement plans or try for another year. In other words, “go out on top as a champion” or “risk one more shot, so I have no regret that I could have made it back to the Show.” It was the classic athlete’s Catch-22.

History Repeats

As my 17th marathon approaches, my mind is all over the place. It ranges from certainty, “I’ve done this many times,” to self-doubt: “26.2 miles seems much further than in the past.” The variation comes from how difficult training has been this year compared to the past. Each run, no matter the distance, seems like a slog. Additionally, I feel tired too often for my liking.

I’ve started to wonder, “Is it time to reconsider my yearly goal of running a marathon.” And “Is it time to lower expectations and go the half-marathon route?”

In a nutshell, it's the competitor’s Catch-22. Is it best to hang it up after a sub-par performance or try again, believing there is more in the tank? Or even if things go well on race day, is it prudent to go out on top while unsure it’s worth doing again?

I recall many ballplayers who hung around only to tarnish their standing in their sport. Is that what I want? On the other side are the many, but fewer, athletes who quit at the top of their game but had more to give. That could be me. No easy answer exists.

Being a competitor, which I believe I am, means you are always willing to fight again, with reality a hard pill to swallow. Here’s the dilemma — If the race proves too much, “Will my pride allow me to quit after a downer game?” Or if the race goes better than expected, “Should I go out at the top of my game?

Three Catch-22 Sides

Our choices all have different options to consider. Here are mine:

Scenario 1 - If I stick with never quitting after sub-par play because that is no way to end anything, I may never be able to stop if poor training and races become the norm.

Scenario 2 – Perhaps it’s best to go out a champion if I complete the race, which is my goal. That sounds glorious but may include the most regret when next year comes around, and I am not running one of the big ones.

Scenario 3 - "I did it, but the price I paid was high, so maybe it’s time.” A competitor never thinks the price is too high, so what kind of talk is that?

Decision Time is Near

So, you see, I am stuck in the middle of being a quitter, continuing forever, or being realistic that my day has passed me by. I’m leaning toward “I can’t go out like this," anticipating a tough Philadelphia Marathon race. Of course, I plan to finish no matter what, so the thought of going out on top is gaining ground. Decisions, decisions? We’ll see.

Every athlete and career person encounters this agonizing decision at some point. I plan to continue running, just not at that length. I also must prepare for some regret, no matter my decision. Regret goes with the territory of the competitive athlete, as they always believe there may have been a better option. Oh Well.

Happy trails and sure could use the help with raising money for cancer cure research.