RAISING AN ATHLETE:

EXCERPT:

Sports competition plays a huge role in our culture. I believe it is the best medium to teach life lessons to our youth. It presents many teaching moments for parents, coaches and players. There are many questions and issues to deal with such as: What should parents do when their child cries? How can parents be more encouraging without pushing their kids too hard? How can sports be more fun? When should a player’s parents talk to the coach about decisions involving their child? What should coaches and parents say to their kids after a tough game? How do we prevent burnout in athletes? Should a child play travel ball? What makes a good coach? What can athletes do to make the high school and college team? How do parents and coaches inspire young athletes?

Other issues addressed in this book relate to other concerns parents have, such as these:

“He never wants to work at it.”

“I just want her to have fun.”

“He won’t listen to me.”

“My daughter does great in practice, but she can’t seem to do it in the games.”

“He doesn’t have any power.”

Raising an Athlete

“He gets so nervous in the game.”

“She doesn’t want to play anymore.”

“He gets so down on himself.”

“She can’t do it because it’s ‘in her head’.”

“Should we play travel ball?”

“She has no confidence.”

“His coach doesn’t know anything.”

“His high school coach is so negative.”

“How do we find a college for my son to play?”

“Can you make him a major leaguer?”

I know parents had the best intentions for their sons and daughters. Like all parents, they were looking for ways to help their kids reach their full potential. Often, without realizing it, they were using words and actions that hindered their children’s development. Parents who deal with these issues and concerns efficiently will enjoy their child’s career, as they guide them to be “all that they can be.”

In addition, I observed and heard many stories, good and bad, pertaining to parents’ and kids’ experiences with sports. Here is one told to me by one of my students:

Our team was sloshing its way through the season, generally playing uninspired baseball. A new head coach took over the team and was very negative, screaming at every little mistake in a demeaning manner. That negative attitude filtered its way down through the team, parents, other coaches and the entire program. Not a lot of fun was taking place. The head coach’s dad came to a game excited and proud to watch his son as a head coach of the well respected school. After the post-game talk with more of the aforementioned negativity, the coach’s dad came around the corner.

He walked right up to his son and within earshot of players proceeded to say to his son: “You are exactly the coach that you hated to play for when you were growing up. Remember when you were a kid and you would come home after games and be so upset about how the coach treated you and the team. Now, you are that coach.”

This story has a better ending than most of the sports horror stories you normally hear. It is a story that spoke to me in many ways: First, coaches and people in leadership positions do not always realize how they are coming across to others. Second, parents should never stop offering constructive advice to their kids. Third, a coach’s attitude will affect many, not just the players. Fourth, negativity rarely, if ever, “inspires” people, especially young athletes.

Then there were these stories:
The coach of an eleven-year-old team who wanted to win a tournament so badly that he neglected to tell one of his weaker players what time the championship game was, so he didn’t have to play him.
The dad who pulled his son off the team because his son did not get to play the position he wanted him to play.
The mom who pulled her son away from the field by the shirt collar because he did not seem to be hustling the way she wanted him to.
The dad who waited until his daughter got in the car after a game before he started yelling at her for her poor performance.

The coach who spit at the umpire.

The fight that broke out on the field.

I could go on forever. Like me, you have probably heard and seen some of the same stories.

Where are the parent and coaching police when we need them? It would be great if we could hire people like the coach’s father mentioned earlier to go around the country evaluating coaches and letting them know when they are not serving our kids properly.

I do not want to say there is only one way to coach, but there is a big difference between providing constructive advice in a positive way and giving advice in a demeaning manner. If there is a place for that latter style, it definitely belongs at the highest levels of sports and not when young players are just developing and striving to have fun and success.

Times have changed since I grew up, and people have become more aware and sensitive to the methods of coaching and parenting. It was common when I grew up for coaches to swear and verbally berate a player without players, fans, or parents raising an eyebrow. Likewise, coaches could get away with getting players’ attention on the playing field with some physical contact. Those days are over, and a new set of coaching guidelines are required.

I also don’t want to paint a gloomy picture of youth sports. Most coaches and parents are good, supportive and have their kids’ best interest in mind. Likewise, there are many great stories of positive coaches and parents who inspire and teach the proper and important values of life, through sports. You will read about some of those positive, fun and uplifting stories in this book. It is unfortunate, though, that a small percentage of parents and coaches give sports a bad reputation. Also unfortunate, the negative stories travel much faster than the good stories.

A common thought in circulation says that “parents ruin it for the kids.” This is true in some instances, but it does not need to be that way. This book is for coaches and parents who want to learn how to make a positive difference in their team and child’s life. Whenever I talk of coaches in this book, I am talking to coaches of teams as well as coaches of individuals.

Coaches are teachers for teams, and parents are teachers of individuals (their kids). They are both in positions of authority and influence, and both have a life-long effect on young athletes. A saying from an unknown source that I would often repeat at coaching clinics sums up this thought, “A year or two from now, your players will not remember what you taught them; but they will forever remember how you made them feel.”