Practical Leadership Qualities - Positive Coaching
My Heroes
The following is a revised article I wrote years ago – I enjoy reading it occasionally to thank and remember those who shaped me. You will need a little extra time to read this one.
I now realize why my dad and other influencers in my life were great leaders. It is not always easy to be yourself, make it about the other guy, walk the talk, talk the walk, and be willing to pass on life lessons, but doing so makes greatness. I’ve tried to follow their lead but realize I often fall short - it’s also not easy to be the ones to have to follow “the legends”in our lives.
Leaders and Heroes
A couple of childhood friends' notes have helped me ponder what “leadership” is and think about my dad more. One message said, “Jack, your dad was a great leader, coach, and gentleman. I can remember him from Joliet Little League, along with your fastball. Please write about him.” And wouldn’t you know it, another unsolicited Email from another childhood friend said, “Jack, I read what you post on here, and I can tell that your passion for sports and drive to help kids has a lot of your dad’s influence in it......what a great man...... I remember him with a lot of love and respect.” “Did I ever tell you you're my hero?”
Wow – my initial thought was that there still hasn’t been enough time since my dad’s passing to write about him without breaking down, even though it was many years ago. But, as everyone who has lost a loved one knows, time will never erase the emotions and loss, so here goes. Sorry if your page may appear smeared from tears.
Both communications took my breath away, restarted the memories and tears. It just makes me wonder how many others were positively influenced by my dad. The remarkable thing is that he wasn’t a full-time coach or anything like that. He was just a dad who helped as an assistant for only a few years.
I guess I never thought of my dad in the way they described him because he was just “Dad” to me. Upon reflection, he was all those written things and everything the term dad stands for. To know that others remember him in that way, some 45 years later, is truly remarkable. Knowing that my dad made such a memorable, positive impact on a kid’s life is an excellent tribute to him. It also attests to a youth coaches' powerful influence. It just makes me wonder how many others were positively influenced by my dad. His skills should convince adults to practice positive coaching every day of their lives. “You let me fly so high”
My friends' correspondences got me thinking about what made my dad such a leader and others who have guided my life with their leadership.
Leadership Shows in Various Ways
My dad was a man of few words, but, like many great leaders, everyone took note and respected what was said when he spoke. Dad was much like some great leaders I played with in the major leagues. Guys like Alvin Davis (Mariners), Andre Thornton (Indians), and Harold Baines (White Sox) were all men who led by example in a quiet, compassionate manner. Respected people do not need to talk to be heard; their leadership shows by how they conduct themselves. Being who they are and not trying to be someone different commands respect from people. “I want you to know I know the truth, of course, I know it.”
My dad was the same way. He never tried to be someone he wasn’t. He never “big leagued” it, as I often call it, when people pretend to be someone they are not. My dad did his best talking with his smile. I can never remember a day when my dad did not greet me with a smile that said, “I love you just the way you are.” What can be better for a child, and an adult child, than that parental message? My dad lit up a room with his smile and lit up my life.
“I would be nothing without you.”
As mentioned, my dad only coached me for a few years in baseball but coached me until the day he died in life lessons. Lessons like respecting everyone involved in the game and the game of life, friend and foe alike. His messages of playing with hustle, determination, and enthusiasm were instilled in me. When I think about it, I have written about my dad and mom, too. My second book, Raising an Athlete: How to Instill Confidence, Build Skills, and Inspire a Love of Sport, contains 200 pages of life lessons they instilled in me. The book is simply a testament to their teachings and parenting. “I’m just a living legacy to the leader of the band.” Dan Fogelberg
I cannot begin to count the times my dad was there for me when things didn’t go my way. He was there in the backyard when I started playing ball and with me at my baseball school when I taught baseball after my career was over. He never stopped believing in me and encouraging me to keep striving for my goals. Like many dads from the “greatest generation,” my dad never rested until the job was done. He could fix anything and worked tirelessly so that our family got what was needed. I did not inherit the ability to fix anything, but I learned his work ethic and the necessity of doing things right.
Unfortunately, like many of us, I never knew the full impact of my dad’s character until after he passed. We discovered he had been awarded a Bronze Medal for his conduct during World War II. Imagine being with someone for over 50 years and never needing to tell others about one of the most significant awards anyone can receive. I have no idea what act he performed to receive the award for “Heroic or meritorious achievement or service” award during war. Maybe everyone who participated in the war received it; I don’t care to know, but to never mention and brag about it demonstrates a self-assured person who doesn’t need to be patted on the back – it was always about family and others, to my dad. “You were content to let me shine, that's your way.”
Leadership at Its Best
When I think of other great leaders, the incredible coach, Gordie Gillespie, came into my life in high school. Gordie, who was still coaching college baseball at age 84, is truly unforgettable. If you look up the word leader in a Thesaurus, you will see Gordie Gillespie listed. Gordie was not a quiet leader, but after listening to Gordie give a motivational speech, you become convinced that you could run right over an NFL defensive lineman. Along with providing great motivation, Gordie made everyone he met feel that they were the most critical person in the world. He helped me understand that “leadership” does not take credit for others’ success, even though everyone knows it is their doing. They make you feel like you accomplished it on your own. Gordie was the “Wind beneath his players’ wings.” “While you were the one with all the strength”
I came upon another great leader when I attended college in the person of Johnny Reagan. Another man who led by example and few words, Johnny, was “Coach” to those of us who played for him. I do not recall hearing the man swear or raise his voice, but he never failed to get the essential messages of hard work, dedication, and teamwork across to us. Through how he lived and coached, “Coach” taught those around him to conduct themselves with dignity and humility. He was the very definition of class and integrity. When I think of “role models,” I picture Coach Reagan. “You're everything I wish I could be”
The next great leader that impacted my life came in professional baseball. Del Crandall was a major league all-star player who played with Henry Aaron and Warren Spahn before becoming a professional and major league baseball manager. He taught aspiring players like me what it took to get to the next level and how to deal with the ups and downs of professional baseball. After a very tough time in my career when I did not get the expected call to the big leagues, Del said words I would never forget. “Jack, life is not always fair” – pause – “but just because you were slighted does not diminish who you are or what you can become.” Great leaders like Del put life in its proper perspective and encourage others never to stop reaching for their dreams. I have repeated similar words to my kids and students during disappointing times in their lives. I see Del every time I see my home because he ultimately made my big-league dreams a reality. “So high I almost touch the sky.”
Leadership is Never Forgotten
“Thank you, old friends” for remembering my dad in the way you have. As Harry Chapin put it, “Old friends, they mean much more to me than the new friends, cause they can see where you are, and they know where you’ve been.” “It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it all here in my heart.”
Besides a kid’s parents, their sports coaches are often the most influential people in their lives, and they shape kids’ lives for good or bad, for years to come. What could be better than being remembered positively for many, many years to come? It is a shame when coaches, and parents for that matter, do not seize the opportunity to be the positive role models that young people deserve. I know all parents set out to be positive role models but do not realize that their behavior displays quite the opposite. That is a story for another day.
I know Dad is smiling down on me and those he touched, and I only pray that I can smile enough to pass on his light to those I encounter. The great coach, John Wooden, once said, “Just remembered,” when asked how he would like to be remembered. Believe me, the heroes in my life, Dad, Gordie, Coach, and Del, are remembered.
We all have those who have influenced us in life, and please don’t wait too long to tell them what they have meant to you. Often, deep down, they know, of course, but it never hurts to say to them. “Thank you, thank you, Thank God for you,”
All unaccounted for Lyrics from “Wind beneath my wings” – Bette Midler