More than a Game

I’m talking of sports disappointment here, although life and sports despair are intertwined, as evidenced by some recent tragic deaths of college athletes. I pray for their families and friends. I don’t pretend to know answers on that scale, but here are some things I’ve learned from my youth sports involvement for over thirty years. Perhaps something here will help adults better handle the pressures exerted on youth in sport.

I guess this is timely with the above in mind. Recently I had a ballplayer who had lost all confidence at the plate and was mentally beating themself up for not being better no matter how hard they worked. The player’s parent asked me for advice. I know that they asked the right guy because I had been in that mental state many times in my career.

What I would have liked to have told them was about Cody Bellinger and Jack Perconte

Cody Bellinger was a rookie of the year, a two-time MLB all-star, a world series champion, an NL MVP, an NLCS MVP, and a gold glove and Silver Slugger award winner. In 2021, the same Cody Bellinger hit .165 in over 300 at-bats. How does that happen? Most importantly, how does he come back from such a disastrous season?

I don’t know why Cody had such a rough 2021 campaign, and I would guess several things, but I do know what it’s like to have to battle back from such a disappointing, embarrassing experience.

I was never close to any of the success and awards Cody received. My success came mainly at the Triple-A level, and the only common denominator was it was also in the Los Angeles Dodger organization. Jack Perconte, third person, was the worst player in major league baseball in 1982. Just fact, I know the truth even if the stats say otherwise, but I know, and if my teammates tell the truth, they will back me up. Anyway, that’s a story for another day.

I also know that, at the time, it felt like a fight for my being. That may seem overly dramatic as it wasn’t like my life was on the line, but when every ounce of you seems dependent on your expectations and  lifetime dream, it’s not something one can laugh off with, “It’s only a game.”

The message I would like athletes to know is that things change in sports. What seems unending is just a soon-to-be memory. It’s another life challenge to try and conquer with the results not as important as the effort to overcome it.

To Care is to care – a dangerous thing!

My message to the parent was several things, too, none easy to explain. First, sports and specifically hitting is hard; there is no way around that. But, no one wants to hear that when they have had success in the past.

I went on to say there is good and bad news. For the good news, their ballplayer cared so much and should be proud of all the work over their whole career. It’s hard to handle failure because caring and effort are positives and what we want from our kids.

As for the bad news, the player cared so much. Yes, the good and bad are the same. I said that the player would have a better chance of turning things around when they stopped caring so much. OK, I know that is impossible, but it has some merit. When we stop caring about being the best and having to win,  success often follows. The more we want something, the harder it is to come by. I told the parent to emphasize “The pure enjoyment of the game and their teammates as when they were just starting to play the sport.”

I recall an interview with pro golfer Harold Varner. He mentioned what he learned from Tiger Woods. He told Tiger he wanted to win so bad. Tiger replied, “Quit trying to win.” Wow, that seems odd from the most outstanding winner of all time. The point was valid. Results are out of one’s control, and focusing on that is not a good use of time and effort. Tiger intimated the key was to focus on the moment, each shot, and let the results fall as they may. One will be surprised how their chances of winning improve when staying focused on the task.

The following are only the tip of the iceberg as I have written two books to help adults keep the pressures to a minimum and the fun in the games. But it’s a start.

 

Messages for adults to Ease The Pressure

1.     Your world is not your child’s world. Do not make the athlete’s sporting events the whole focus of your day, week, month, and year. It’s OK to miss some of their games. That may lead to more discussion, too, because you were not there to see it.
 

2.     Talk to them about your work struggles from time to time and mention you look forward to making things better. They may act like they could care less but knowing you have annoying co-workers and other demanding issues is good for them to know.

3.     Friends, friends, friends. Emphasize their friendships are more important than grades and sports performance. Not all agree with this, but building a solid foundation of peers will pay off when you are not the only one they listen to.
 

4.     Along those lines, remind them that being a supportive teammate is as impressive as any good results they have. Tell them that if a choice between being a great player or a great teammate, the latter is best.

 

 

Messages for Youth Athletes from Adults to Ease the Pressure

I realize many of these are just words, but in time, they will resonate with players when adults’ actions mimic their words.  

 

1       “All that matters to me is that you do not give up on yourself.”

 

 

2.     “You don’t have to be great, and certainly not with everything you do.”

 

3.     “Look in the mirror daily, smile, and say I am a unique person.  The world needs more unique people than another sports’ star.”

 

4.     “Don’t dwell on the negatives. I see improvement and like what you did in other parts of your play.”   

 

5.     “You are not defined by what you do on the playing fields. This game is only a small part of your life.”

 

6.     “You are not defined by how you perform. The thing I care about is you try and care.”

 

 

7.     “Be grateful for the opportunity to play. Have fun and celebrate any success, no matter how small.

 

8.     “Setbacks come and go in sports. You don’t have to prove anything to yourself or others; just play to improve.”

 

9.     “I’m so proud of your work.”

 

 

10.  “Hard work usually pays off, but know that you have already won because of it.”

 

 

Finally, these lessons are apparent to me now, but for whatever reason, at the time, they weren’t. That’s part of being young and why parents and coaches must pass them on.