Have this to Sleep Well

“Take all the wealth, fame, and winning you want, give me this instead.” When I go to bed feeling like I lost this, I know it will be a long night. OK, I realize not everyone will buy into that first proposition, but having the respect of others is a truer sign of success than the other three, at least to me.

With my continual quest to figure out what goes into being successful, I consider what goes into earning the respect of others. We often think of one in a leadership position having to earn respect, but it’s a daily occurrence for everyone. Earning respect goes beyond the ballfields and business world, as it is something one must deal with in all life situations and relationships.

Nothing is more important than having the respect of those closest to me and more vital than having it at work or in sports. For added pressure, I know that a good way to lose the respect of all is to lose it from one because word travels these days quickly. When thought of in those terms, earning and keeping trust and respect is an intimidating task. To relieve the pressure, I remind myself of three things:

1.     I am human, which means I will not be perfect

2.     It’s easier to respect others when I respect myself

3.     I can earn respect back when it slips away, but I must do the work not to be in that situation.

Bringing Respect from Work to Home

Of course, as a sports coach and instructor, I am constantly trying to earn the respect of athletes, as well, or even more so, of their parents. I’ve learned that just having a label next to one’s name, for example, former major league ballplayer, means little after a short while.

Earning someone’s respect is always a work in progress, like most things, and the best way to keep it is by never doing anything to lose it. Easier said than done but knowing the things that destroy respect is a good starting point.

The following are ways I know I can lose the respect of others at work, and I try to employ the same things with family and friends. After all, if it works at work, it will at home. I also try to review them often because it’s easy to fall into the lack of respect category because, as implied, we are all human.

Ways to Lose Respect

·         Acting like I am the smartest person in the room. Perhaps I know more than others in certain areas but acting that way by failing to listen to others and ask questions is a huge turnoff. Someone said something like, “One should listen four times longer than they talk.’ That depends on the number of people you are with, of course, but it’s a good philosophy. Letting others have a voice is a good way to earn their respect.

·       Demanding instead of suggesting.  Instead of, “You have to do it this way,” I would rather say, “This is what worked for me,” or “This is what we see the best do.”  It’s important to understand that there is usually more than one way to get a job done.

·         Not apologizing for tardiness. Acting like my time is more valuable than others is another negative respect maker.

·         Being disingenuous. Telling someone they will get an opportunity or I will do something and then failing to follow through is a top-trust loser.  

·         Playing up to the best players, with less interest in the others, is a pitfall for many. On the flip side of the above, I have to catch myself when I may spend too much time with the less proficient athletes. Everyone deserves attention and approval, whether they show it or not, and I must find the level needed by everyone and apply the right amount. Some people need more self-esteem and confidence building than others. Figuring out who is who is worthwhile.

·          Suggesting it’s their fault for failure. I always try to speak in terms of “we,” not “You,” or “I,” because they put their trust in me to figure things out. When they don’t I believe it’s “on me,” not them. There is that pressure talked about earlier.

·         Taking credit for success. Along the same lines as above, it’s them, not me, I just helped get the best out of them.

·         Failing to listen and understand when others have something to say is a big negative that others will catch. This gets back to a point I glossed over earlier, but it’s vital to get others’ viewpoints as often as possible. I constantly try to ask, “How does that feel?” and “What needs work?”

Final thoughts

Ultimately, constant fairness and honesty are qualities that earn and maintain respect. The second another feels they have been slighted or sense you have been disingenuous, it’s time to explain myself ‘now,” not later. Happy Trails!